One day it’ll bite your arse..

I wouldn’t say I’m religious, despite the fact I’ve been christened I’m not a big fan of church. I guess I’m more of a spiritual person I guess you could say I believe in something, I just haven’t quite figured out what.

Karma is another thing, the whole, good things come around to those who are given a rough deal in the end crap was hard to swallow. It’s difficult to hold onto that with smile when you’re low and there’s been many a time, when privately I’ve crumpled. Unable to understand why things are unfair.

When I was 18, I fell in love for the first time, for the majority of the time secretly harboured. It was my then best friend, and it was only after a row my love for him was spoken about. What followed was two years of ‘will they, won’t they’.

At times he’d make me feel brilliant, I couldn’t have been happier, and in a blink of an eye, I’d feel a wave of confusion, upset and an abundance of the sneaky suspicion he didn’t really mean anything when he said I was attractive.

As time went on, things became akward, he moved on, started dating and soon he called me telling me he was going to become a Dad. By this point I’d distanced myself from him, but in all honesty I still held a torch. I was heart broken.

I kept smiling, but inside I thought ‘not only have I lost the man I am in love with, but my best friend is gone too’. All a bit ridiculous now when I think about it. Quite laughable..

He and his girlfriend moved in together round the corner from my house, which was tremendously difficult. I was just getting over him, and quite honestly I was worried about bumping into them, but the reality is I never saw them. He’d text me to ask about village related issues, nothing more.

That was until last week, I saw him outside the shop, my heart dropped and I felt sick, I didn’t want to speak to him, I didn’t want questions. I wanted him to go away.

He stood next to the car on the phone, he was so close I could hear his conversation. I didn’t want him to look  but my eyeline was darted backwards and forwards in a sheer state of panic.

Do I wave?
Do I smile?
Do I shout? Don’t do anything!

I wasn’t until I saw him I started to understand Karma. He is a year younger than me, and time had not been kind, tired unshaven, dishevelled and balding. Is it bad that this made me feel better?

It was only then I realised that, whilst my life isn’t perfect. I’m certainly better off now without the Man I was so in love with a few years back. That whole situation was horrible, and it’s only now I can stop and think ‘Look at what you could have been`.

I also realised, that maybe I am too hard on myself I’m not as bad looking as my minds eye would have me believe, I actually, am a nice person and happiness will happen for me eventually. I’ve just got to hold on.

So, if the bloke I used to love whole heartedly is reading this: Thank you. You were a prick, frankly but that made me strong, and I’m destined for big things.

It’s called Karma and you turned out to be the best thing I never had.

If I could write a letter

Yesterday, I stumbled across a video made by people with Downs Syndrome, in response to a pregnant lady’s letter to a pregnancy support group asking for reassurance following the discovery that her expectant child had been diagnosed with the condition. It instantly stuck a cord with me.

I was born 2 months earlier than nature intended, and it wasn’t until I was around one that my parents discovered I had Cerebral Palsy. The Doctors actually told my Mum I had increased muscle tone in my legs, she initially thought I was ging to be an athlete  (she couldn’t have been more wrong).

I can’t even begin to imagine what the news of my disability did to my Parents, in one short sentence, thier hopes and dreams for me totally and utterly destroyed at that time they didn’t know just how bad my disability was going to be and all they had was fear.  It’s only now at the age of 26 we are finally comfortable with the future.  If I was able to predict the future, and write to my Mum and Dad  this is what I would have said:

Dear Mum and Dad,

So this hasn’t panned out exactly how we’d hoped huh?  I can’t say I’ll always be thrilled, but the first thing you should know is that I don’t blame you for this, everything happens for a reason and this is not anything anyone could of prevented. You’re are wits end, I  know and frankly you have no idea what to do.. But everything will be fine, I have a feeling…

I will be able to lead a life full of opportunity and love and it’ll be overflowing with laughter, I will be able to work, I’ll achieve more than anyone ever expected and I’ll always do my best to make you proud.  You have my word.

We’ll be able to go out and have fun, you may worry about whether I’ll make friends but you needn’t worry. I won’t have may friends but the ones I have are worth their weight in gold (most of them will want your cooking)

I will be able to get married and give you the Grandchildren you deserve, even if finding the one is going to be harder than we thought. It’ll happen.

It won’t be plan sailing, but then who can say raising any child is?  I will be a horrendous teen We’ll have to fight when Society believes I’m no longer worth it, but I will show you how much I am worth it every day of my life.

I will make you proud, no matter how far away that success is, Stay positive because with your love and strength I can do anything.

Everything will be absolutely fine and what seems abnormal now is going to be so easy you’ll wonder what on earth it was you were

panicking about

If you are going to worry, worry about Me as a newborn and nothing more

I love you

Lucy xx

 

49 REASON WHY DATING A DISABLED GIRL IS A GREAT IDEA..

A few years ago, I used to blog under a diffrent account, It was general ramblings about the things that entered my head, nobody really read it, or took much notice.  That was until I published a post called 10 reasons why Dating a Disabled Girl is the best thing you’ll Ever do.

It was a lighthearted piece, and I thought that like all the others it would never be read.

I published the post and thought no more of it.

A few days later, it had gone mental RTs via Twitter, countless shares Facebook and it was even discussed by Men in my local.  So here we are it’s 2014, and I am still single.  I thought I’d give you eligible men 49 reasons why dating me is just amazing..

Best Seat in the House 

So your new girl is Disabled, . you can expect a lifetime of love and
happiness. Not only that but if she loves music like I do, you will go to gigs. No longer will you have to  crane to see the stage. On the cabbage patch is where you will sit, closer than ever to the stage with handy access to the bar!

Queue Jumping

OK Wanna go to Alton Towers?.. I can queue jump and fast track us through.. .Just promise me you’ll hold my hand!

Water fights

Bizarre as this may may sound but according to government Disabled People are exempt from hose pipe bands.  Long hot Summers and a water fight.. How much fun! Oooops you got your shirt wet…

Shut up and Drive

I live in the Midlands, we have a toll road that many moan about paying for.. Disabled Girlfriend to the rescue, Free pass lets go for a drive. You gotta fast car? is it
fast enough so we can drive away?

Come Fly With Me

Get treated like a VIP at airports… First on the plane and last off we beat the crowds and take it easy

Race Ya…

Because racing trolleys in theSupermarket at 2am when drunk is so last season… Wheelchairs are far more superior and don’t have wonky wheeels!

Fancy Gadgets

My house is equipped with Gadgets  to help me round the house, be it a through floor lift a personal washing toilet, massive wet room or a bed that sits you up, loving me could feel futuristic

Determined

I have dealt with massive amounts of crap in my life, whether it be . discrimination or just personal frustration I have always been massively determined,and apparently Men like a Woman who knows her own mind?

Always smiling, always polite

 Your Mother is going to Love Me….

The Wheelchair has and always will be a magnet for weirdos, I will head this upto any suitors right now. There is no escaping the fact that I will get accosted and occasionally offended by the odd twat. I am however an expert in remaining polite and and nice, I’m just the kinda girl you could take home to your Mum.

Human Shopping Trolley Never again will have the trolley or basket dilemma, load me up I can fit an ironing board on my knee… No sweat!

Inexpensive

Because well my shoes last forever… If I ever by some miracle gain the ability to walk though you may be in big trouble!

Just the right height

For passing you items stored in low cupboards… What else did you think??!

Be a hero

Prepare to be a Saint, select members of the public will see you with me and think you’re a hero because your . dating a wheelchair user.. Bless ‘em

Hob nob

with celebrities Famous folk love a disabled person, it makes them look good and gives a warm fuzzy feeling… If they meet me, they’ll also meet you!  Friend to the stars and a gorgeous girl.. Are you Brad Pit??

Make your life easier 

You may not think that I can teach you how you can make life easier, but I can… Years of finding simple tasks a slight struggle have meant I have done things my own way… You be surprised what I can open with just my teeth!

Get out of boring parties 

By claiming access is a problem. No further point needed

Never use stairs again

Love in an Elevator was written about me.. Possibly

Make Dancing Fun

With the added bonus of wheels we can really impress at Parties… Or, if I’maybe so a forward first dance…

Discounts 

Discounts, freebies whatever you . call em you will never pay full price on a day out again

We are geniuses

All the power that should go to my legs has to go somewhere, my boobs and brains bore the brunt.. Mainly my boobs if I’m honest

Have a story to tell the kids Life is never ever boring and I’m
sure you will have a million stories that had us in fits of giggles.  I promise this to be
true!

I am not pathetic

I’m not a weak pathetic person, even if this list doesn’t convince you life will be great.  I am stronger than most and very very resilient

We think outside the box

Disabled People are amazing at seeing the bigger picture, there is no problem we can’t face. Depends on the angle you approach it!

I can take a joke

Hello… I made a list!

Frequent New Cars

Disabled people who qualify for Motibility get to change there cars every three years. I can’t drive so you’ll have too… I may get you a suit and hat I do like a man in a suit…

Talents

I know fluent BSL and can teach you … We can have conversations in private!

Passionate

I am driven and determined, passion sits hand in hand with everything I do, my legs may not work but it will never ever stop me from leading a normal life that is something I am passionate about

I’ll never look a mess

Many disabled people plump for comfort over style, Jogger bottoms and no make up.. This will never be me

I can stand up for myself 

I have dealt with enough discrimination to have a cutting remark in response  though it would be nice to have a gentlemen defend my honor occasionally

I’m always happy to talk

You might have to kiss me shut me up…

I’m much more than wheels 

I am not defined by wheels and never will be..

You’ll never forget me

How can you possibly forget a gal in a wheelchair with crazy hair who goes
round proclaiming to be a Wonder Woman

I’m ambitious

I got plans.. Big plans

Funny 

I am the first one to poke fun at this situation. I will often pull a leg or two when asked how I became disabled. Saving kids in Africa makes them stand open mouthed

I’m no scrounger

Despite my barriers, I have a job I love. It’s not fancy or big hitting but I enjoy
it, I won’t ask you for money

Creative

Because having a difficulty makes it easy to be a creative power, difference is good

I live for today

I know how easy life can change, in a blink of an eye. Live for today and make
every second count

We are amazing in a crisis

I honestly amaze myself at the strength and outward calm that washes . over me in times of panic.. Keep calm,
you’re gonna be fine

I hate people feeling sorry for me

Don’t call me an inspiration. This is my life and I have never known any different. I am no soldier voluntary fighting in a war

RADAR keys

My own keys for public loos. Winner

Loyalty

My friends are the best in the world and my family are the greatest in the
universe my loyalty doesn’t stop there, there’s a  place for my better half…

We aren’t bothered about public staring at us

I belive they’ll be staring at us because we are so beautiful together or what a lucky fella you are

Discounted TV

Discounted TV license for us! Wooo


Mothers love me

I will be a hit.. Guaranteed

Life is too short to row

Make love, not war

Free Parking

Maybe this should be reason number 1

Every day is Orange Wednesday

My Companion gets in free with me on a trip to the cinema… Popcorn is on you…

So there ya go…
49 reasons why Dating me is a fantastic idea whatdya think.. Fancy a date?

I am Undatable

I’m pretty self assured about most things on life, had a strong resilience to most things. I’ve been used to being not quite average and accepting things, not always happily that at the moment aren’t quite how I’d like. 

Everybody has a sore point though, and for me that sore point is matters of the heart, my love life has always been a massive hiccup in an otherwise happy and healthy life, I have great friends and a loving supportive family that, for the majority of the time keep the feeling of lonleiness at bay. 

I have never ever been confident that I am attractive or confident that anybody ever fancies me, I know I am not the ugliest of girls, you certainly wouldn’t find me on Jeremy Kyle, unclean and unkempt but I wouldn’t say I am memorably pretty. I’ve never blown my own trumpet on that front – I find that, in itself an ugly trait. 

The problem is, I have baggage unwanted buy it’s owner, but baggage all the same in the dating hierarchy I sit at the bottom with Divorcees, single parents and over 40s. In my experience, and many of my disabled pals it’s very difficult to get blokes or girls to see past the issues we have without freaking out and bolting or pitying us, the people that do stick around, build up close long lasting friendships, which are no less valuable, but often leave at least one of us with a hideous unrequited love, I’m not ashamed to admit that I have been at this emotion many a time. It is horredous, like I’m suffering for a misdemeanor committed in a previous life 

If I think I stand a chance with someone, I panic and the doing something about it is possibly more excruiating than the unrequited love thing… I’m never sure if they actually like me or are just being polite, I am terrible at taking compliments  

 

A guy recently told me that confidence is so attractive, it was then that dawned on me that he was right and that if I wanted to change my life of singledom then I needed to do something about it.

I have always been a firm believer that you can’t help who you fall in love with, and many people often ask if I have ever considered dating someone that is also disabled. I did, many years ago when I was a teenager date a fella in a wheelchair.

We were friends from years and I always knew he was very fond of me, we got our well but as time marched on I realised that more often than not we’d talk about the thing that we had most in common, it wasn’t our affection for each other but our disability. Everything revoled round it more do on his part than mine. I’m not the kind of girl that wants to talk about my disability day in day out and I detest being made to feel different. You should never be in a relationship because you are the same.

Eventually we split, he was heartbroken but I wanted more than a common ground of hospital appointments and disability aids in a better half.

Programmes like Channel 4s The Undatables does nothing to help with my insecurity around dating not only does it make me feel about as worthy as dog shit on a tramps shoe, but it throws up some very nasty and superficial opinions expressed by the general public things are said that make me whole heartedly believe I might never find love.

I’ve been very outspoken about my feelings ad have received messages from other disabled people telling me I’m a disgrace to the Disabled community, that I should know better.

Maybe I am, or maybe my upbringing within a normal family where my barriers are never referenced has given me an attitude that has meant that I see that I am not defined by the wheelchair, my disability or my differences and I never will be.

Single life is lonley and boring. It may take a long time for me to resolve my confidence issues, to ignore the nagging doubt I’m my brain. but I am determined to. I have alot of love to give, and never really had anyone who has wanted it. it’s just finding a man worthy.

It just takes one..

I have Confidence in Confidence….

Confidence, it’s a funny thing. Something that I think I have been fooling people for years.  When you first meet me, most think I am a confident, outspoken and gobby gal and to a certain extent they are right. I am gobby, and outspoken.

 Confidence is an a skill,  like most things, I think if you can convince others of your faith in something, and blag it for a bit people will eventually believe it too including me.

 The power of positive thought is something I believe in.  Frequently my confidence is wobbly. There are occasions when I find it hard to believe I can do things. Society has put a label on me and stuck me in a pigeon hole, leaving me to battle on with proving folks wrong over and over again.  Most times I face every battle with a new face of war paint perfectly prepared to quietly fight.  (There’s no point fighting like a warrior for the opinion of a small minded individual to be won over)

 I pick the fights I choose and muddle through the rest of the time, when confidence really doesn’t matter with a wing and a prayer, Relatively confident in my ability It’s the big issues, the Dunk Kirks of battles with a disability I regularly face that make shake my confidence.

 I worry that, nobody will really listen to me, call me an inspiration and think ‘bless her’ or take my views into consideration.  This is when I fight, and it’s the fear of being inferior to others that is a call to battle.  The more I listen to the voice that doubts me the less confidence I have for anything.

 On a good day, I’m relatively and on a bad day I have self doubt to my core this happens in every aspect of my life, my wobbles are not exclusive to social, romantic or work endeavours

 It’s sounds daft, but I go for a haircut and get my nails done wear clothes that don’t scream pity me and research everything possible on the subject I am to be talking about and dealing with.

 This is probably exactly what every other woman in the word does.  But it has become a very important part of my life to make it look like I’m a confident person. Power dress on for the big wars and the rest of the time, I wear my make up all the time, because people stare at me because I’m different anyway if they’re looking and the person staring is a bloke. I want to impress.

 I could choose to bow out to this low confidence bout when it rears, but I love doing things in life people say I cannot do. It’s the greatest feeling in the world when I’ve silenced personal demons and shouted down a few ridiculous opinions of others.

 People mistake my gobby ways for trouble making and confidence you couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s just a by product of the passion in me to succeed in everything I do despite the barriers I have to deal with.

 

Have you got a time machine? Can you take me back in time?

What was it like in 1949?  My first thought about what it was like for disabled people in the past, is that it must have been a struggle not just socially but generally.  You only have to got to living Museums set in the Victorian era to realise that not all that long ago, people like me where hidden from view, seen as society’s mistakes.

 

1949 was the year the benefit system was introduced, for the Sick, Disabled and Elderly when the system was introduced, in order for anyone to qualify for any kind of state help you had to have paid in to National Insurance and if you had never worked, you where put under emergency measures, given a fund while the officials worked a way to get you back into work.

 

In 2012 the unemployment figure for disabled people stood at 49% compared to the disability employment figure for 1949 which stood at a incredible 95%. 

 

The government in 1949 where keen to help people into work, and while I understand that this may not be everybody’s idea of supporting the disabled, for me, as someone who wants nothing more than a job, any job, I may add, this is something that I feel is distinctly lacking in today’s society.

 

I have in the past to find it incredibly difficult to find employment, I disabled just enough for there to be a need for people to modify things for me to require access, but not so disabled that I am useless to the community, the Disability Discrimination Act or DDA came into force in 1995 and with it a new set of laws designed to incorporate those less fortunate into society and promote equality in this fair land of ours.  In most fields, and with a little help from the 2012 paralimpics things in some areas and in recent times have got better, Employment isn’t one of these.

 

As a Disabled child until the age of 18, the support available to you is constant, full on and all consuming, at the age of 18 everything stops and you, as an adult are left to fend for yourself.  Leaving people lonely isolated and unstimulated.

 

1949 Britain provided training for disabled people who where on the Disabled Persons Register, there needs and capabilities assessed and suitable employment on the outcome of the assessment was found.  And on top of this, the Disabled Person was paid a weekly training wage too.

 

In 1949 companies where made to employ disabled people by the government, there was none of this:  Giving them an interview is they are qualified to carry out the advertised position, like you get in 2013.

 

Disabled people in this day and age are victims of assumption, people assume it’s going to be a nightmare to employ disabled people so they hold an interview which includes a disabled person as is stipulated in the DDA and then give the job to an able bodied person

 

I can speak from a personal angle when I say that all people like me ever want to do is feel like they are being useful and not a nuisance, I crave normality, normal job, normal life, normal fella.  There are times when this doesn’t ever feel possible and that we are, to this government nothing but an inconvenience.  

 

It doesn’t seem right to me that we appear to have gone backwards and that I feel so unsupported by those in power to allow me to have a normal life.

 

I don’t know what it was like to live in 1949 and it would be nieve of me to think that it was perfect but I really fo feel that lessons can be learnt from the way things were.

 

The disabled people of this world are strong, loyal, funny caring and hardworking the government of 1949 had an inkling this was the case.

 

Do you, Mr. Cameron?

In another life….

It’s my birthday in a few weeks, a time to celebrate.  For me, birthdays carry an extra significance. I am very socially aware that I am one of the luckier ones, my disability does not affect my life span, I should in theory live a full and healthy life.  I have had to bear the curse of outliving most of my disabled peers however, something that never gets any easier.

I was born prematurely, something that has, as far as medical boffins are concerned contributed to my disability.

When I think about what my life could have been like, it sometimes blows my mind. In the same way that if my Parents think about how a fax machine works.

If I’d arrived in the late 80s on the month I should have been what would my life have been like?  Let me introduce you to a Wonder Woman without wheels… (the able bodied me)

She’s able bodied, fit as a fiddle and body confident, stylish and has so many pairs of shoes it is ridiculous.

Making a living from her photography, she’s the first one people call when they need exciting imagery.. She learnt her craft in University after gathering alright results at School  she spent 3 years on the top floor of the campus memories of lugging equipment up a flight of steps still fill her with dread.

Aged 26 she’s living in A Bustling city, amongst friends, living with a boyfriend. She has a habit of over doing on the occasional Friday night when her pals plan a spontaneous outing.

Well travelled, this chick has seen some amazing sights, from the bright lights of NYC to feeling the warmth of the Sun on her back in Italy.  There are many perks to having a pair of legs that work that’s for sure…

Of course for me that is all fantasy and something that will never be.  Sure to walk would be a dream, but If I had lived the life of the other me, I don’t know if I would have the traits of the real me.

Would I be as socially aware as others?

Would my friends be as loyal as the ones I have?

Would I have been able to experience the things that I have been so lucky to have thrown my way as a disabled person?

Would a pair of working legs really make me happy?

My life as a Four Wheeled Wonder woman is by no means perfect, I have endured people believing that because my legs are useless, so then, must I be.  but it’s because of this I have the most incredible friends, a family who value the small steps that I make.

I am a fighter, strong and stand up for what I believe to be right.  I am unique. Far more memorable than any other able bodied 26 year old I know.

You can keep your legs.. Life is not perfect, but thats just a perception of those who don’t know my story

World’s worst Blue Peter Presenter…

When I was a kid, all I want to be was a TV Presenter and, more to be more precise,  the first Blue Peter Presenter in a Wheelchair.  To me my Wheelchair and the fact that I use one has never been a reason as to why I can’t do things – I wanted, and frankly still do, want to show other young disabled people that just because you face a life altering difficulty in your life doesn’t mean you’re a write off.

 

To become a Blue Peter Presenter, is the holy grail of the Children’s TV land, get that job, and in thousands of kid’s eyes, you become a real life action man or Wonder Woman. Simply unstoppable.

 

So why am I not a Blue Peter Presenter?  Why have I not pursued this dream and made it a reality?  Well I shall tell you why, dear reader.

 

I am rubbish at all the major elements need to be a presenter on Blue Peter. 

 

I AM RUBBISH AT COOKING

It’s not that I’m beyond help when it comes to culinary expertise, I’m just very forgetful, and have a tendency to burn the stuff in the oven or, forget to put a vital ingredient in, even if it’s in front of me, in a bowl.

 

I once baked a cake and forgot to put the sugar in the said cake, it was more like a diet loaf than a cake.

 

And then there was the time I accidentally cracked an egg over a table when making scones, it was the last egg in the house so I scrapped the remanance of the egg that was on the table, that had been vigorously cleaned with Dettol, into the bowl the diners were none the wiser and some said they were the based scones they had ever tasted.

 

Not a good example to children really, is it?

 

I AM THE LEAST ARTISTIC PERSON ON THE PLANET

If you were to give me the items I needed to make a home made TracyIsland and told me to get on with it, leaving me only with a BBC fact sheet for instructions, I would most probably make a hash job of it.

 

As a child, I once tried to follow a BBC Fact sheet to make my Nanna a homemade 3D Christmas Card. I thought I’d done exceptionally well at this until I relized the 3D image I had created was not only upside down, but also on the back of the card instead of the front. 

 

I sent it to Nan anyway who was thrilled with the Card. She still has it somewhere, I think she’s just being nice, if it were me it’d have gone in the bin.

 

I’M NOT KEEN ON ANIMALS

I don’t trust Cats, there’s something about them that makes me think they’d be the kind of animal who would slag you off behind their back, and I don’t like dribbly, over excitable dogs, that jump all over you and don’t leave you be.  I think it’s because I can’t run off if they were to turn bitey and aggressive

 

I’M SCARED OF EVERYTHING

Rollercoasters, Heights, Confined spaces, Animals, Deep water, The Dark, you name it I’m petrified of it, I’d be the most scared presenter since Yvette Fielding.

 

If you really think about it I would be awful. Add the fact that as a Blue Peter Presenter you can’t be seen partying, drinking, snogging and generally letting your hair down at all, it made me realise that maybe I’m not such a good role model after all, and would probably end up in the Executive Producers office for having made a tit of myself again.

 

I am like the real version of TV’s Miranda. 

It’s just a Weird Crush

We’ve all got Guilty Pleasures, many have more than one,  be it music, Trashy TV or dodgy 90s movies there is always one that nobody ever admits to, I dread handing my Ipod over to other people, and I always pray that the shuffle doesn’t land on anything too mortifying.

 

And then of course there’s your weird crushes on the opposite sex, or same sex for that matter, you can’t help these crushes they will sometimes come out of nowhere and the possibility of these infatuations coming to fruition are zero.

 

When I was a teen, I used to spend most of my weekends aiming to look like Cat Deeley.  I’d buy and apply far to much lip gloss and I can remember my teen age magazine telling you how it was possible for you to smile like your favourite Celebrity, Cat Deeley included (I know, even writing that last sentence, sounds so stupid).

 

Her hair was so glossy she always had lovely lipstick and got to spend all her Saturdays with Ant and Dec, who I also held a torch for and if I’m being completely honest, still do.

 

I always have a crush on someone at any one point, either be it badly misplaced affections for old friends, celebrities and more recently, and worryingly, fictional characters.

 

Here’s my list of top 10 weird crushes, and my desperate attempts to justify them.  Before you start judging me, don’t you dare tell me you haven’t got a weird crush….

 

My weird Crushes

Matt Baker: Countryfile and One Show Host

That wasn’t until I started to work in the same office as Matt, and I was introduced to him.  As far as I was concerned he was the John Knowkes of my generation, a true hero of mine.    My love as a ten year old was miss placed I can tell you he was one of the nicest blokes in telly, always said hello, a fantastic sense of humour we once danced down the corridor after I told him in passing it was my dream to be on Strictly.

 

Jack Whitehall: Comedian

 He’s the same age as me, can take the piss out of himself and doesn’t mind ruffling a few feathers.  He’s not a stand out fittie. I grant you!

 

Justin Hawkins 2012 – Present: Lead Singer of The Darkness

In there glory days Justin Hawkins was a tall, thin, bean of a man who was memorable for his Catsuits and Falsetto, The Darkness were the first band I ever saw live and thus sementing them as my favourites forever. They Spilt, and broke my heart.  In 2012 they reformed Justin looked different and I liked it. 

 

David Tennant as Doctor Who

Maybe it’s the sonic Screwdriver….

 

Jake Wood: Max Branning. Eastenders

I don’t remember ever actually thinking I fancied Max off Eastenders, but one Christmas after a few too many Snowballs I told my friend I was in love with Max.  I’m aware he is bald, yet Ginger. And yes my friend hasn’t let me forget my confession

 

Adam Richman:  Host of Man Vs. Food

It shouldn’t be a turn on that a guy gorges himself on food that would last me a week… and yet it is.

 

Greg Davies:  Mr Gilbert, The Inbetweeners

Greg has a unique sense of humour, one that tickles me to the point were I can’t stop laughing.  Me and my mate saw him live, afterwards we had our picture taken, he called my Mother ‘Pure Filth.’ I wanted him to come back o mine for tea….

 

Gareth Malone:  The Chior

He is full of believe for others, and he can sing.  We’d have some fun on Singstar.

 

Ralph from Wreck it Ralph:

I was disturbed when I realised I was slightly falling in love with Ralph from the New Pixar Movie, Wreck it Ralph. I think it’s cos he’s musclely and has hands like shovels… I’m seeking psychiatric help

 

Alladin from Disney’s Alladin

The first Disney film I ever saw was Aladdin, watching him walk of into the sunset stick with you as a 6 year old.

 

Of course you understand, these are weird crushes, I will forever whole hartedly belive that I am to Marry Richard Armitage, or Hugh Jackman, that isn’t weird at all!

Attack of the Spaz

Like any little girl, I dreamed that one day I would become a Princess, marry a Prince, live in a big house and wear magnificent dresses and have perfect hair and make up at all times. Like Jasmine in Aladdin or Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

 

This hasn’t happened, and never will. It’s not because I haven’t actually met royalty, I think that if Prince Harry was to meet me, he would fall in love with me instantly… Naturally..

 

It’s because I suffer from bouts of what I can only describe as Spaz Attacks.

 

 the strand of cerebral palsy isn’t that severe, I am able to limit the amount of comments and stares I get, purely because my condition has only really affected my hands, legs and balance, when sat down, my disability looks mild.

 

Spaz attacks happen to me though.  It’s almost like my Cerebral Palsy lies in wait for making me look like an actual retard that I am.  All the effort I do daily to limit the truth of how bad things are dissolves temporarily.

 

These Spaz Attacks can happen at any time, but usually manifest with crucial social or romantic timing, without warning and there is nothing I can do to stop them.  I am not sophisticated, or charismatic.  I am a Spastic.

 

I will dribble, this is the most embarrassing thing, when I get nervous I get in flappy panic. The more flustered I get the more chance there is of me dribbling on you, this has happened on countless occasion and something, I am confident, that has never happened to Kate Middleton.

 

My brain will blurt out random thoughts so randon infact, that sometimes even make me, the speaker of these thoughts, think ‘she really is special needs’. 

 

Don’t ever take me out for dinner, My crippled hands can’t cope with knifes and forks in public, at home, when no one watches me, fine, perfect. Out in public, forget it. I will need you to cut up my food, and even if I don’t the food will probably end up, down my front or mushed into my trousers, even when I wear a napkin round my neck like a four year old.  It will happen. I can’t help it.

 

I am unable to do buttons and poppers on jackets and don’t even talk to me about gloves, I have the shittest hand eye co ordination in the land, the balance of a drunk and no space awareness what so ever.  Some task take for ever…

 

It’s impossible for me to have a nice photo of me, when somebody says ‘Let’s have a photo’; it strikes the fear of god into my subconscious.  When I saw this episode of Friends I thought it was a dramatized anecdote of my life:

 

 

 

I can feel the Cerebral Palsy creeping over my face like a wave. Making me look Stupid, so even if I do meet Mr Right, there will be no nice photos of me and him in existence.

 

What a catch… Fancy a date?